Have you ever met someone who mirrors all the good things you like about yourself: the same values, interests, thoughts, or feelings? You instantly hit it off, becoming best of friends. If so, you may have met your kindred spirit. This affectionate term is often found in sentimental writing, poems, and even popular culture through movies and television. But, usually, we use the phrase without really knowing the true meaning behind it. In this article, find out what kindred spirit means and if you have one in your life.
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What is a kindred spirit?
Kindred spirits are people whose interests, attitudes, and moral values are very similar. By connecting on a deeper level, kindred spirits can offer validation as well as emotional and physical support for years or even a lifetime.
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According to Tami Zak, licensed therapist at Grow Therapy, kindred spirits are more than just friends.
“There are friendships, and there are kindred spirit friends, which I think of as next-level friends. Friendships can range from the more superficial, like our social media Facebook/Instagram friends, whom we connect with via posts, updates, and pictures, to our heart friends, whom we share deep personal connection, intimacy, and vulnerability,” says Zak. “Kindred spirits are those people in our life who we feel most seen and gotten by. This connection can happen in an instant, such as when you’re sitting in a new group of people, and someone says something odd or off-putting. You catch a stranger or acquaintance’s eye and burst out in uncontainable laughter without needing to say it aloud because you both are thinking the same exact thing.”
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How to know if you found your kindred spirit
According to experts, here are a few key things to look for in your relationship.
Time Can Pass Without Changing Your Relationship
Some friends need constant attention. And then there are friends you can get together with after months of separation, and it feels like no time has passed. If you have the latter, you might have a kindred spirit.
“Kindred spirit friendships do not require day-to-day contact. In fact, years can pass. You can change and grow in different directions, but when you speak again, the connection has endured,” says Zak.
It’s comforting to know that you have a friend who sticks with you no matter the distance between you or the time you spend apart.
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You Feel Fulfilled
When you are lonely, you feel empty. But if you have a deep friendship with someone, your life seems full and meaningful.
“People who don’t have close friendships normally report more intense feelings of loneliness and despair versus those with friendships. Friendships can help when those low moments of life present, and you have the community of friends to rally around you and support you,” says Ariel Williams, a licensed clinical social worker with Grow Therapy.
There’s No Competition
When you have good news to share, whether it be a job promotion or a new car, you want a friend who can celebrate your accomplishments without making it about them. True friends can see your success and not feel the need to compete.
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“The beauty of true kindred spirits is that they create a safe space for feminine friendships. Being kindred spirits is when you truly delight in each other’s happiness and success without jealous and catty behavior. Kindred spirits can contribute to a woman’s sense of belonging and community,” says relationship coach Gloria Zhang, M.A.
You Feel Understood
A kindred spirit just gets you. And part of that is because they see so much of themselves in you.
“You will find that you don’t have to spend much time explaining yourself because they will understand,” says Jennifer Nurick, MA, licensed clinical psychotherapist and counselor.
When someone just ‘gets you,’ it’s a fantastic feeling.
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How does a kindred spirit differ from a twin flame?
A twin flame is a romantic partner, and you can only have one twin flame. You can be a kindred spirit with multiple people, and they are typically those with who you have platonic or familial relationships with. However, it’s not impossible for kindred spirits to fall in love or develop romantic feelings.
How to find your kindred spirit
If you don’t have someone you can call a kindred spirit, don’t worry. One may cross your path when you least expect it. Keep yourself open to making new friendships and put yourself out there. Even if it seems like a lot of effort, the payoff is worth it for a friendship of that caliber. But remember, these relationships won’t be forced, they will happen naturally.
